November 2011
> see big mosquito on wall
> freak out
> stay in one place and stare at it
> lose sight of it
> run the fuck out of room
> try to calm down
> go back in
> AND HERE WE ARE B|
I need my electric fly swat back.
FUCK YEAH
people lighting 30mins straight of fireworks outside where I can see it from my window.
but wait stfu i need to stud-
oooh pretty lights and explosions and shit
dubble bubble is objectively the worst piece of halloween candy you could ever put in your face. you are going to cram it in there regardless, because candy is candy however loosely you define it and any other activity would be akin to spitting in the face of halloween spirit, but it will never, ever be remotely fun. just look at this shit.
you are not going to enjoy it. any living creature on earth is physically incapable of enjoying the experience that accompanies every one of these individually wrapped insults from god that some asshole decided to slap a stupid rhyming name on and sell.
when you open halloween dubble bubble you do not see the soft, pliable surface of bubble gum that you have come to expect over the years. instead you get this impossibly hard little chunk of what appears to be freeze dried ass. it doesnt matter if you eat it five years after the initial purchase or if you interrupt the filming of the dubble bubble episode of how its made in order to lean your head in front of the factory chute and get it in your mouth before it can even be packaged. dubble bubble is the low-budget benjamin button bootleg dvd of the candy world: it is born already stale, but there isnt enough money to follow through to the part where it gets young. if you can actually chew dubble bubble for long enough, you discover that it turns into this crusty paste thats too moist to blow a bubble with but too hard to enjoyably chew. trying to chew dubble bubble is like not only learning that satan can piss glue, but that he also pisses it directly into your mouth every night while you sleep. to even attempt to blow a respectable bubble with this shit, you need to eat at least four pieces. if you want to blow a literal double bubble as the advertised name would suggest, at least six pieces are required, and by that point your lower jaw has essentially skateboarded the fuck away from the rubbery pink hell you are putting it through. you would be better off chewing a latex glove. you would be able to more comfortably blow a better bubble with an actual fragment of shit in your mouth.
fuck dubble bubble.
#ThatAwkwardMoment when you realize that Kim Kardashians failed marriage could have paid your college tuition for 2,833 years.
oh.
I hear kids laughing and screaming outside
and the pewpew of fireworks
and I’m just here, studying for a chem test I’m pretty sure I’ll do poorly on.
fffffffuuuuuuuuu
ima treat myself to a couple hundred bags of candy when they all go on sale after today.
oh god how do I chemistry
oh god
